To Mom, Love Matthew

After church today, my youngest, almost 12 year old Matthew, got to me first and handed me a folded up piece of paper.  I said, "What's this?" and he replied that it was "a 20 questions thing about my mom."  I love those things.  They really let you know what your kid thinks about you and possibly tells his friends about you.

1. What is something your mom always says to you?
   "You're a pain."

2. What makes mom happy?
   "When things get done."

3. What makes mom sad?
   "When she has to work late."

4. How does mom make you laugh?
   "She tickles me."

5. What was mom like as a child?
   "An energetic child."

6. What is her favorite thing to do?
   "Spend time with the family."

7. What does mom do when you're not around.
   "Clean, cook, nap."

8. If mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
   "Cooking."

9.  What is mom really good at?
   "Cooking and cleaning."

10. What is mom not very good at?
   "Video games."  And in my defense here, they make me nauseous to watch on the screen soooo....

11. What does mom do for a job?
   "She cleans the temple."

12. What is mom's favorite food?
   "Chocolate."

13. What makes you proud of mom?
   "Nice, cooking and funny."

14.  If mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
   "Daffy Duck"

15.  What do you and mom do together?
   "Go to dinner."

16. How are you and mom the same?
   "We are both energetic."

17. How are you and mom different?
   "I'm a guy."

18.  How do you know mom loves you?
   "She sais (sic) so."

19. What does mom like most about dad?
   "He makes the money/and listens to her."

20. Where is mom's favorite place to go?
   "Her room."

So apparently, I like to cook...........And even when he's not home I'm still cooking....for no one in particular.  I wonder what the other kids would answer.

Mother's Day 2013

Every year Mother's Day comes around and I can already hear the groans from the women: I hate Mother's Day, I'm not a good mother, Everyone else is better than me, I suck, etc. But really?  How awesome is it that each family gets to celebrate what they like best about you?

We are all different.  We all came to earth with different personalities and abilities or maybe disabilities.  No two people are alike.  Not one of us is even NEAR to being perfect.  So why do we constantly compare ourselves to one another? 

Here is a list of things I'm good at:  Mowing the lawn, cooking, yelling, dressing myself, procrastinating, studying the scriptures, cleaning bathrooms, shaving my legs, not killing my kids, getting everyone to where they are supposed to be on time, trying, driving fast, working outside the home.....

Here is a list of things I'm NOT good at:  drawing, sewing, finishing projects, keeping my mouth shut, keeping up on my blog, keeping the laundry room clean, keeping up on paperwork, making sure my kids get their school work finished and turned in, denying myself food, getting up in the morning, wanting to call people back, being consistent....

And the lists will go on.

I bet you didn't know some of those things about me.  I bet if you wrote down lists about yourself they would be totally different than mine. I'm betting that you are sitting there comparing yourself to me.  Stop that.  Seriously.

A wise man said, God is fully aware that you and I are not perfect.  Let me add, God is also fully aware that the people you think are perfect are not.  And yet we spend so much time and energy comparing ourselves to others--usually comparing our weaknesses to their strengths.  As a result we never celebrate our good efforts because they seem to be less than what someone else does.--Dieter F Uchtdorf

What is one thing you do well?  Just one thing.  Is it the laundry?  Is it a perfect driving record? Is it playing with children?  Is it patience?  Is it musical?  Is it dusting the ceiling fans?  Is it appreciating your accomplishments?  What is it? 

There is that one thing.  Let's your family appreciate that one thing at least one day out of the year.  And quit whining.

Diet

I've been on a "diet".  It's the non-diet diet of death and doom and OMG I think I want to kill myself at times.  I'm being over dramatic there.  I've always been thin.  I was that person that could eat, and eat, and eat, and eat and never work out and never gain a pound.  I lived on treats, and cheeseburgers, and cookies (my personal favorite dessert), Dr Pepper--full octane mind you, Wendy's, In n Out, JCW's (a Utah place), etc. 

I was that person that women would say, "I bet you can eat anything and not gain weight." Or, "Do you have to work out?" Or "How do you look so good?" And I would pridefully say, "Yep, I can eat anything and not gain weight.  No, I don't have to work out. And I don't know." I say pridefully because I had grown tired of women trying to make me feel bad for something I really at that point couldn't control. Screw you, girls. I'm the bomb dot com.

As a little kid I think I may have weighed 50 pounds in 5th grade and 80 pounds while I was in 8th grade.  When I got married I weighed 105 pounds.  Even after my fourth baby at 33 despite gaining 55 pounds I returned to my pre-pregnancy weight of 118.  Easy Peasy.  And I had the nerve to look in the mirror and say to my husband, "I'm fat!"  What a joke. 

Then I turned 38.  Several things happened that year of which a few I have only guesses about: 

1. I started taking anti-depressants.  Which is a great thing.  I was happy.  Jonathan was happy.  The kids were happy.  I put on weight.

2. We went on our yearly across country trip that year to Tennessee where my sister-in-law fed me and I ate and ate and ate like usual.  I gulped down Dr Pepper across country both ways and ate sunflower seeds to keep myself awake while driving.  And I ate Pop Tarts while driving which are my Kryptonite. I gained 10 pounds on that trip.  I thought, "Oh, it's just water.  It'll go away."  It didn't.

3. My metabolism changed.  I slowed down. 

4. My periods started getting funny and I went on the pill for a couple years.  Fixed my periods.  I gained weight though.  And I thought I would lose it once I went off the pill.  Didn't.

5. I took a sedentary desk job.  'Nuff said there.

6. I continued to eat like I always had.  Not enough lean meats, fruits and vegetables but lots of treats, Dr Pepper, and late night Jr. Bacon Cheeseburgers from Wendy's.

I run.  I do yoga and Pilates.  I do Zumba.  I do all sorts of other fitness-y things.  I garden heavily.  But I don't eat well! And I kept wondering why I don't lose weight. And actually I haven't gained any extra weight in over 2 years but I have this belly......that I hate!  And I KNOW I don't look bad but I FEEL bad.  And there's nobody asking me those questions anymore....*sob*

So my awesome friend Teri Shelley started mentioning on Facebook about some program she had been doing in which she had lost a bunch of weight.  She mentioned that she was going to start again on the program and wondered if anyone wanted to join her "diet group".  I asked her what it entailed and it is rather simple:

Eat three servings of vegetables a day.
Eat three servings of fruit a day.
No white flour.
No sugar.
A LOT of water.
Exercise 45 minutes 5 days a week.
No fried food.
No soda.  At all.  Even diet.
Keep a food journal.
And no eating after 8pm.

Also you get one free day a week.  Thank goodness.

We keep track of everything and each thing gets a point and the person with the most points at the end of 12 weeks wins money.  You have to put something in or why else would you do it?

It's really just natural eating.  This is really how one should eat always, right?  Eat less/move more? And you tell yourself you CAN have a treat you just have to wait until your free day.  Which is sometimes hard because I really, really love Dr Pepper and cookies.  But I do it.

I've basically lost a pound a week which I really like because I know it is good weight I'm losing and not just muscle or water that I will gain back again.  I now weigh 140.3 pounds as of today but started at 145.5 just so you know.

The first week I didn't lose any weight but because I wasn't eating white flour and drinking Dr Pepper I lost that bloaty feeling in my belly.  It weighs you down like crazy.  Now when I eat a meal I feel full because my stomach is full not because I have added more gas inducing white flour going on in there.  And don't get me wrong so many yuuuuummy things are made out of white flour.....cookies, brownies,  bread, tortillas, pasta, and don't tell me that I can use wheat flour for those because Holy GAG!  I just put those things aside and partake on my day off. 

I'm pretty pleased with my success so far.  And you know what?  I've actually become comfortable with my bigger self.  I look better in clothing.  I don't look like an emaciated, underweight 20-30 year old mom with 4 kids trying to recapture her glory days. However, I'd like to lose another 10 pounds in the weeks left which means I'll need to work a little harder but I think it's worth it.

Whole Wheat Waffles

Guys?  I just made up a whole wheat waffle recipe that was the bomb dot com and I'm going to share it with you.

Whole Wheat Waffles

2 cups whole wheat flour (scoop the flour into the cup for lighter batter)
1 cup oats whirled around a food processor until flour-y
1/2 cup white flour OR another 1/2 cup of oats whirled around the food processor
2 Tablespoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
4 egg yolks (save the whites!!)
3 1/2 cups milk
1 cup cooking oil
4 egg whites

Place the dry ingredients in a bowl and whisk them together to mix.  In another bowl place the egg yolks, milk and cooking oil.  Mix them well with a whisk then pour into the dry ingredients.  Stir until combined but still lumpy.

In another bowl beat the egg whites till stiff peaks form.  Gently fold the egg whites into the flour and egg mixture.  Leave some egg white fluffs.  Do not overmix.

Depending on your type of waffle maker pour 1 to 1 1/4 cups of batter onto the greased maker and get ready for goodness!  The egg whites make the waffles extra crispy and light so you don't have heavy whole wheat waffles of doom.  Makes 10-12 waffles depending on the waffle maker size.

Best served with lots of maple syrup and bacon, bacon, bacon......

BTW they are about 170ish calories without the syrup.  And bacon is only 45 calories per slice if its cooked really well.  I love bacon.

Tell me if you like them.  Okay?

Parenting

Out of all the lectures I received from my mother as I grew up the only thing I really remember her saying to me was, "You will never know how hard it is to be a parent until you are one."  I hated that.  I really did.  I used to inwardly roll my eyes (because if I outwardly did it she'd have knocked them out of my head) and think to myself, "You just don't know or remember how hard it is to be a kid."  How self-centered.  But that's kids. 

Without going into theories of human development and whatnot, kids are self-centered.  There are no two ways about it.  It's true some of them grow out of it faster than others and some never at all.  And there are varying degrees of self-centeredness within each child.  But it's there in all of them.  Sometimes they do are say the dumbest things that make us parents stand with our mouths open, heads shaking, thinking, "Don't you get it?!"  No they don't.

We've always taught our children that they may get to do or say or be whatever they want but they don't get to choose the consequences.  And the bigger the stupid, the bigger the consequence.  Some of our kids get it pretty early and some don't.  Our oldest said today that he only broke our trust once and he was so  disappointed in himself, as we were in him, that he never did it again.  Or at least got caught.  Because really isn't that part of being a kid?  Doing stuff you are not supposed to and not getting caught.  I still relish those moments myself. 

I have to say that my teenagers are the funnest people.  I enjoy this stage of life with them way better than the infant stage.  Babies are soooo cute and cuddly but they poop and throw up on you and get you up at all hours of the night and you can't sleep in and the laundry--don't get me started on the laundry. My teenagers don't poop on me anymore and they do their own laundry and sometimes they are out too late and I need them to come home so I can go to sleep but they have these great personalities and they have fun friends and interesting adventures.  But they can do some of the dumbest things.

Really dumb things.

Things that make me say something to the effect of, "You will never know how hard it is to be a parent until  you are one."  And I hope, somewhere, deep deep deep down inside their little self-centered hearts they get that.  But I afraid they don't.  I'm afraid it's a pipe dream. 

And so my next thought is this, "I hope you get one just like you."  I know my mother thought it at least once.  Because I did.  I got one just like me.  Possibly two.

*sigh*

Crap Happens (I really want it to read the other way but thought better of it.)

Yesterday was our anniversary and after spending a lovely day and evening with my husband we were driving home from our wonderful french dinner talking about some people we know.  I recalled a conversation I'd had with somebody recently about how they felt their life hadn't turned out the way they thought it would.  It had been wrought with hardship, divorce, parental estrangement and childlessness.  The comment they made on their life that really got me thinking was "God has a purpose for why he has given me these challenges and I have to figure out what that purpose is." Or something to that effect.

I don't believe that.  I don't believe that God "gives" us challenges.  I believe He gives us agency. 

A woman I follow on Twitter who is going through some trials right now tweeted yesterday, "For each moment that I allow myself to feel joy, I receive a double dose of my messed up reality."  I tweeted back, "Feel joy anyway."

Why shouldn't we feel joy even though we are going through trials? Men are that they might have joy! Who is it that wants to take our joy away from us?  The Adversary.  Satan wants us to be miserable like unto himself.  The way Satan takes away our agency is to bring us down to his level of misery that we can see no way out.  

Let me define agency:  The free gift (although agency is NOT free.  Never say free agency in front of me because you will quickly be corrected) God gives us to act, think, feel, react, speak, etc. anyway we like.  Any way at all.  We get to CHOOSE how we do these things.  There isn't one person on earth or Satan for that matter that can MAKE us do what we don't want to do. We can be charmed, we can be cajoled, we can have it suggested, we can be harangued for that matter to give into our baser selves and act against what we know is best.  However, and this is a big however, we are NOT FREE to choose the consequences of our actions or inactions.  This is why agency is not free.  There is always a price to pay.

This goes for what people have done to us in the past.  They have their agency also.  And unfortunately the consequences made from their poor use of agency ripple down to us. 

Yes, there are horrible things that happen in this world.  My heart hurts from the abuses made against women and children.  Jesus said in Matthew 18:6 (also in Mark and Luke)

But whoso shall ^aoffend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.

But those who offend cannot hide from God even in the depths of the sea.  

And yes, the pain people who offend leave in their wake can be devastating.  But we have the opportunity to use our agency to move past this pain.  We don't have to continue being victims to the pain someone has inflicted on us.

And this is why I do not believe that God "gives" us challenges.  He gives us agency.  He allows bad things to happen to people (good and bad alike) because that is His gift to us.  To take the hand that was dealt to us and make our lives better. 

Do you think He wants us to be miserable?  NO!  Remember, that is Satan's tactic.  To use our agency to become miserable. God is our Heavenly Father.  A true and loving person who wants us to be happy.  Who wants us to have joy.  He knows we will fall down over and over and over again in this lifetime and he hopes we will continue to get up, dust ourselves off and keep on going.  

We choose our unhappiness.  We choose how we react to situations.  We choose our joy. 

Rules For Engagement

How to communicate efficiently with me: (this shouldn't be a list exclusive to me, people.)

Do's

1.  Call me directly if you have any comments, questions, or criticisms.
2.  Email me directly if you have any comments, questions, or criticisms.
3.  Text me directly if you have any comments, questions, or criticisms.
4.  Talk to me directly if you have any comments, questions, or criticisms.
5.  Expect me to listen to you and plan on me sympathizing, empathizing, agreeing, OR disagreeing with you.
6.  Expect me to be polite whether I agree with you or not.
7.  Speak to me with a normal tone of voice.
8.  Make sure you have your facts straight before you talk to me.
9.  Once you start something with me make sure you are ready to finish it.
10. Expect me to disagree with you.
11. Expect me to agree with you.



Don'ts

1.  Don't talk to everyone but me about any comments, questions, or criticisms you have.  That's called gossip.
2.  Don't talk down to me.
3.  Don't use your snarkiest voice with me.
4.  Don't accuse me of things before you get your facts straight.
5.  Don't start something with me and then walk away because I don't agree with you.
6.  Don't call me names.
7.  Don't assume I'm going to disagree with you.
8.  Don't assume I'm going to be unsympathetic.
9.  Don't assume I'm going to agree with you.

And the lists could go on.......

I'm actually a very easy person to get along with.  Now that I'm medicated.  I rarely, if ever, get really angry and most likely will sympathize with you and even if it's not my problem will help in any way I can to make the situation easy for you.  However, if you come at me claws bared and in attack stance before I even know what the hell is going on.....expect a fight.  I won't take your crap.

One more thing?  I can not be bullied.  It's that simple.  I was raised by a bully.  She was 6 feet tall and 200 pounds of mean.  She would push her way through every situation making sure she got her way, always.  I learned two things from this:  1.  That's not nice.  2.  I can't be bullied so don't even try.  I know how to fight back and I am mean when I have to be.  I stand up for myself and take control of my life. Nobody else will do it for me.