On Gay Marriage

Today I was walking through Kohl's doing some shopping happily humming along to the Christmas music piped in from the speakers overhead when I decided to check Twitter just to see what was going on.  Twitter had metaphorically blown up with the news that a US District Court Judge had ruled on a portion of the Utah State Constitution which declared that marriage was only between a man and a woman; the judge had decided that this is unconstitutional. As I read on I found that all but four counties had started issuing marriage licenses to gay couples and Salt Lake Mayor Becker had married one or two couples.  There were cries that those four counties were backwards, hateful, too Mormon-y, etc.

Here are my two thoughts that occurred in rapid succession:  1. Complete and utter sadness and 2. it's not a law nor legal yet and only one judge had ruled on it so those counties who HAD issued marriage licenses were soon going to be faced with some very angry gay couples.

I am going to address the first thought in this blog post.  I will be turning off the comments.  I will delete comments on Facebook.  I will not address comments on Twitter.  I won't respond to text messages.  I don't care what you think of me or my blog post.  Stop following me, unfriend me, slam your door in my face--I don't give a shit. Because as part of the silent majority I will be heard on MY terms.

About 6 or 7 months ago I was pondering gay marriage.  I was listening to all sides of the coin--it should be legalized, it should be banned; it's constitutional, it's unconstitutional; it's against the commandments, God loves all of His children and wants them to be happy (which I really, truly believe); etcetera.  I was hearing what those in the gay community had to say.  I was listening to our Church leaders.  I was listening to the Pope.  I was listening to the government, friends, relatives, etc.

The reason I was pondering this position at that time was a because of an old friend of ours who lives in Illinois.  My husband went to grad school with him in Marriage and Family Therapy.  After we had left the area he and his wife stayed there and made their home.  After awhile he was made the Bishop of the ward--for those who are not LDS a bishop is the non-paid ecclesiastical  leader of geographical area in which LDS people live.  I'm not quite sure of the entire story but over his lifetime he must have had some experiences with gay couples whether as a bishop or as a therapist that made him become active in the fight to make gay marriage legal in the State of Illinois.  In the LDS Church we believe in eternal marriage and only a man and a woman can take part in eternal marriage, which is called a sealing and takes place in our temples, and was ordained from the beginning and modeled to us by our Heavenly Father.  I asked him how he separated eternal marriage from this and if he believed if a gay couple can take part in eternal marriage and he told me no and that for a gay couple to be married it wouldn't be eternal only something they could have here in this lifetime.  Seemed like a good answer to me.  Plausible.  I was pretty much sold.

I have gay family members whom I love.  I have gay friends and acquaintances whom I love.
There was an elder I became friends with on my mission (clearly gay and dramatic but it didn't even occur to me then :-)) who came home and came out and found a nice partner.  A year ago they adopted a darling little boy whom they love and parent so cutely.  They seem like great parents.  That is the cutest kid. I have another friend whom I grew up with who served a mission, came home and came out.  He is with a nice man and has raised to adulthood a child that is now off to college.  They have another child (whom I'm not clear about whether he has been adopted yet or is a foster child) that they are now raising.  My friend puts the cutest conversations he has with this child has on Facebook.  I am so glad that these children who could be in precarious positions have these wonderful men to raise them in a loving family environment.

I had these examples placed before me.  Why shouldn't they have what the rest of us have? Why can't they have every equality afforded them?  I don't have these answers.

But I do have this experience:

Some of you know I work for the LDS Church.  I clean the Mt Timpanogos Temple at night after the patrons and the temple workers go home.  There are 19 of us on the crew wherein 10 of us are there to clean the 10 different "areas" divided up for us on any given night.  We are alone for the most part in our areas for 3 hours or so while we madly rush to make it all look perfect again and ready for the work that will be done the next day.  I love this job.  I think it was heaven sent at just the right time (I started working a week after we buried my mother) for me.  It is hard work.  We don't walk around with feather dusters, the temple doesn't magically clean itself.  It gets dusted, vacuumed thoroughly, and each restroom cleaned from top to bottom every single night. It is hard work and I finish every night in a sweat.

Back to 6 or 7 months ago......I was pondering, really pondering and praying one night about what to settle on when it came to gay marriage.  I was vacuuming (which is a really great time to ponder as vacuuming is very monotonous) and thinking and praying when the answer, very simple, came:  Follow the Brethren.

In the LDS Church to Follow the Brethren means to follow the Prophet and the Apostles. The Brethren have asked us to love those in gay relationships, that they should be afforded all the legal commonalities as those in straight relationships--meaning receiving insurance, being entitled to their dead partners belongings, sharing custody of children,etc.  But not marriage.

I mean, it all seems logical to me, it really does. But the Lord has told me that it is not to be and I am to "Look to the Brethren."  I learned a long time ago that when the Lord tells me these things, and I simply just obey, say okay, then I will be at peace.  And, really, that's all I need.  I don't need to make you feel good.  I don't need to make my gay family members feel good.  I don't need to make my gay friends and acquaintances feel good.  I need to feel good and at peace with me and with God.

And that is all I have to say about that.

Carron's "Killer" Cookies

This is a recipe I tore out of a Good Housekeeping Magazine April 2009.  I liked the sound of it because it had Rice Krispie cereal included.  I like texture in my food.

Makes 4 1/2 dozen
Prep 15 minutes
Bake at 350 for 10-12 minutes

1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup vegetable shortening (I've been using coconut oil and it's de-licious!)
1 cup granulated sugar
1 cup brown sugar
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 cups old-fashioned oats
2 cups Rice Krispies cereal
1 cup sweetened flake coconut
1 bag (6 ounces) semisweet chocolate chips (I just threw in a little over a cup)

1. Heat the oven to 350.  Place parchment paper on some baking sheets.

2. In a small bowl, blend the flour, baking soda, baking powder and salt with a whisk; set aside.

3. In a large bowl, beat shortening and both sugars on medium-high speed about 3 minutes or until light and fluffy.  Add eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition.  Beat in vanilla.

4. On low speed, gradually add flour mixture and beat until just combined.  Stir in oats, cereal, coconut and chocolate chips.

5. Form balls with 2 tablespoons of dough (I used my medium sized scoop) and place 2 inches apart on prepared baking sheet.  Bake at 350 for 10-12 minutes.  Cool for a few minutes on the pan before transferring them to cooling rack.

The recipe says to bake them for 10 minutes but I thought they were a little underdone at that time so I cooked them for and extra minute or two just in case.  It always depends on your scoop, oven, etc.
They are crispy and chewy at the same time--perfect cookie.

To Mom, Love Matthew

After church today, my youngest, almost 12 year old Matthew, got to me first and handed me a folded up piece of paper.  I said, "What's this?" and he replied that it was "a 20 questions thing about my mom."  I love those things.  They really let you know what your kid thinks about you and possibly tells his friends about you.

1. What is something your mom always says to you?
   "You're a pain."

2. What makes mom happy?
   "When things get done."

3. What makes mom sad?
   "When she has to work late."

4. How does mom make you laugh?
   "She tickles me."

5. What was mom like as a child?
   "An energetic child."

6. What is her favorite thing to do?
   "Spend time with the family."

7. What does mom do when you're not around.
   "Clean, cook, nap."

8. If mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
   "Cooking."

9.  What is mom really good at?
   "Cooking and cleaning."

10. What is mom not very good at?
   "Video games."  And in my defense here, they make me nauseous to watch on the screen soooo....

11. What does mom do for a job?
   "She cleans the temple."

12. What is mom's favorite food?
   "Chocolate."

13. What makes you proud of mom?
   "Nice, cooking and funny."

14.  If mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
   "Daffy Duck"

15.  What do you and mom do together?
   "Go to dinner."

16. How are you and mom the same?
   "We are both energetic."

17. How are you and mom different?
   "I'm a guy."

18.  How do you know mom loves you?
   "She sais (sic) so."

19. What does mom like most about dad?
   "He makes the money/and listens to her."

20. Where is mom's favorite place to go?
   "Her room."

So apparently, I like to cook...........And even when he's not home I'm still cooking....for no one in particular.  I wonder what the other kids would answer.

Mother's Day 2013

Every year Mother's Day comes around and I can already hear the groans from the women: I hate Mother's Day, I'm not a good mother, Everyone else is better than me, I suck, etc. But really?  How awesome is it that each family gets to celebrate what they like best about you?

We are all different.  We all came to earth with different personalities and abilities or maybe disabilities.  No two people are alike.  Not one of us is even NEAR to being perfect.  So why do we constantly compare ourselves to one another? 

Here is a list of things I'm good at:  Mowing the lawn, cooking, yelling, dressing myself, procrastinating, studying the scriptures, cleaning bathrooms, shaving my legs, not killing my kids, getting everyone to where they are supposed to be on time, trying, driving fast, working outside the home.....

Here is a list of things I'm NOT good at:  drawing, sewing, finishing projects, keeping my mouth shut, keeping up on my blog, keeping the laundry room clean, keeping up on paperwork, making sure my kids get their school work finished and turned in, denying myself food, getting up in the morning, wanting to call people back, being consistent....

And the lists will go on.

I bet you didn't know some of those things about me.  I bet if you wrote down lists about yourself they would be totally different than mine. I'm betting that you are sitting there comparing yourself to me.  Stop that.  Seriously.

A wise man said, God is fully aware that you and I are not perfect.  Let me add, God is also fully aware that the people you think are perfect are not.  And yet we spend so much time and energy comparing ourselves to others--usually comparing our weaknesses to their strengths.  As a result we never celebrate our good efforts because they seem to be less than what someone else does.--Dieter F Uchtdorf

What is one thing you do well?  Just one thing.  Is it the laundry?  Is it a perfect driving record? Is it playing with children?  Is it patience?  Is it musical?  Is it dusting the ceiling fans?  Is it appreciating your accomplishments?  What is it? 

There is that one thing.  Let's your family appreciate that one thing at least one day out of the year.  And quit whining.

Diet

I've been on a "diet".  It's the non-diet diet of death and doom and OMG I think I want to kill myself at times.  I'm being over dramatic there.  I've always been thin.  I was that person that could eat, and eat, and eat, and eat and never work out and never gain a pound.  I lived on treats, and cheeseburgers, and cookies (my personal favorite dessert), Dr Pepper--full octane mind you, Wendy's, In n Out, JCW's (a Utah place), etc. 

I was that person that women would say, "I bet you can eat anything and not gain weight." Or, "Do you have to work out?" Or "How do you look so good?" And I would pridefully say, "Yep, I can eat anything and not gain weight.  No, I don't have to work out. And I don't know." I say pridefully because I had grown tired of women trying to make me feel bad for something I really at that point couldn't control. Screw you, girls. I'm the bomb dot com.

As a little kid I think I may have weighed 50 pounds in 5th grade and 80 pounds while I was in 8th grade.  When I got married I weighed 105 pounds.  Even after my fourth baby at 33 despite gaining 55 pounds I returned to my pre-pregnancy weight of 118.  Easy Peasy.  And I had the nerve to look in the mirror and say to my husband, "I'm fat!"  What a joke. 

Then I turned 38.  Several things happened that year of which a few I have only guesses about: 

1. I started taking anti-depressants.  Which is a great thing.  I was happy.  Jonathan was happy.  The kids were happy.  I put on weight.

2. We went on our yearly across country trip that year to Tennessee where my sister-in-law fed me and I ate and ate and ate like usual.  I gulped down Dr Pepper across country both ways and ate sunflower seeds to keep myself awake while driving.  And I ate Pop Tarts while driving which are my Kryptonite. I gained 10 pounds on that trip.  I thought, "Oh, it's just water.  It'll go away."  It didn't.

3. My metabolism changed.  I slowed down. 

4. My periods started getting funny and I went on the pill for a couple years.  Fixed my periods.  I gained weight though.  And I thought I would lose it once I went off the pill.  Didn't.

5. I took a sedentary desk job.  'Nuff said there.

6. I continued to eat like I always had.  Not enough lean meats, fruits and vegetables but lots of treats, Dr Pepper, and late night Jr. Bacon Cheeseburgers from Wendy's.

I run.  I do yoga and Pilates.  I do Zumba.  I do all sorts of other fitness-y things.  I garden heavily.  But I don't eat well! And I kept wondering why I don't lose weight. And actually I haven't gained any extra weight in over 2 years but I have this belly......that I hate!  And I KNOW I don't look bad but I FEEL bad.  And there's nobody asking me those questions anymore....*sob*

So my awesome friend Teri Shelley started mentioning on Facebook about some program she had been doing in which she had lost a bunch of weight.  She mentioned that she was going to start again on the program and wondered if anyone wanted to join her "diet group".  I asked her what it entailed and it is rather simple:

Eat three servings of vegetables a day.
Eat three servings of fruit a day.
No white flour.
No sugar.
A LOT of water.
Exercise 45 minutes 5 days a week.
No fried food.
No soda.  At all.  Even diet.
Keep a food journal.
And no eating after 8pm.

Also you get one free day a week.  Thank goodness.

We keep track of everything and each thing gets a point and the person with the most points at the end of 12 weeks wins money.  You have to put something in or why else would you do it?

It's really just natural eating.  This is really how one should eat always, right?  Eat less/move more? And you tell yourself you CAN have a treat you just have to wait until your free day.  Which is sometimes hard because I really, really love Dr Pepper and cookies.  But I do it.

I've basically lost a pound a week which I really like because I know it is good weight I'm losing and not just muscle or water that I will gain back again.  I now weigh 140.3 pounds as of today but started at 145.5 just so you know.

The first week I didn't lose any weight but because I wasn't eating white flour and drinking Dr Pepper I lost that bloaty feeling in my belly.  It weighs you down like crazy.  Now when I eat a meal I feel full because my stomach is full not because I have added more gas inducing white flour going on in there.  And don't get me wrong so many yuuuuummy things are made out of white flour.....cookies, brownies,  bread, tortillas, pasta, and don't tell me that I can use wheat flour for those because Holy GAG!  I just put those things aside and partake on my day off. 

I'm pretty pleased with my success so far.  And you know what?  I've actually become comfortable with my bigger self.  I look better in clothing.  I don't look like an emaciated, underweight 20-30 year old mom with 4 kids trying to recapture her glory days. However, I'd like to lose another 10 pounds in the weeks left which means I'll need to work a little harder but I think it's worth it.

Whole Wheat Waffles

Guys?  I just made up a whole wheat waffle recipe that was the bomb dot com and I'm going to share it with you.

Whole Wheat Waffles

2 cups whole wheat flour (scoop the flour into the cup for lighter batter)
1 cup oats whirled around a food processor until flour-y
1/2 cup white flour OR another 1/2 cup of oats whirled around the food processor
2 Tablespoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
4 egg yolks (save the whites!!)
3 1/2 cups milk
1 cup cooking oil
4 egg whites

Place the dry ingredients in a bowl and whisk them together to mix.  In another bowl place the egg yolks, milk and cooking oil.  Mix them well with a whisk then pour into the dry ingredients.  Stir until combined but still lumpy.

In another bowl beat the egg whites till stiff peaks form.  Gently fold the egg whites into the flour and egg mixture.  Leave some egg white fluffs.  Do not overmix.

Depending on your type of waffle maker pour 1 to 1 1/4 cups of batter onto the greased maker and get ready for goodness!  The egg whites make the waffles extra crispy and light so you don't have heavy whole wheat waffles of doom.  Makes 10-12 waffles depending on the waffle maker size.

Best served with lots of maple syrup and bacon, bacon, bacon......

BTW they are about 170ish calories without the syrup.  And bacon is only 45 calories per slice if its cooked really well.  I love bacon.

Tell me if you like them.  Okay?

Parenting

Out of all the lectures I received from my mother as I grew up the only thing I really remember her saying to me was, "You will never know how hard it is to be a parent until you are one."  I hated that.  I really did.  I used to inwardly roll my eyes (because if I outwardly did it she'd have knocked them out of my head) and think to myself, "You just don't know or remember how hard it is to be a kid."  How self-centered.  But that's kids. 

Without going into theories of human development and whatnot, kids are self-centered.  There are no two ways about it.  It's true some of them grow out of it faster than others and some never at all.  And there are varying degrees of self-centeredness within each child.  But it's there in all of them.  Sometimes they do are say the dumbest things that make us parents stand with our mouths open, heads shaking, thinking, "Don't you get it?!"  No they don't.

We've always taught our children that they may get to do or say or be whatever they want but they don't get to choose the consequences.  And the bigger the stupid, the bigger the consequence.  Some of our kids get it pretty early and some don't.  Our oldest said today that he only broke our trust once and he was so  disappointed in himself, as we were in him, that he never did it again.  Or at least got caught.  Because really isn't that part of being a kid?  Doing stuff you are not supposed to and not getting caught.  I still relish those moments myself. 

I have to say that my teenagers are the funnest people.  I enjoy this stage of life with them way better than the infant stage.  Babies are soooo cute and cuddly but they poop and throw up on you and get you up at all hours of the night and you can't sleep in and the laundry--don't get me started on the laundry. My teenagers don't poop on me anymore and they do their own laundry and sometimes they are out too late and I need them to come home so I can go to sleep but they have these great personalities and they have fun friends and interesting adventures.  But they can do some of the dumbest things.

Really dumb things.

Things that make me say something to the effect of, "You will never know how hard it is to be a parent until  you are one."  And I hope, somewhere, deep deep deep down inside their little self-centered hearts they get that.  But I afraid they don't.  I'm afraid it's a pipe dream. 

And so my next thought is this, "I hope you get one just like you."  I know my mother thought it at least once.  Because I did.  I got one just like me.  Possibly two.

*sigh*