Letting Go

This morning I was listening to a popular radio show and they had a tarot card reader on air with the host.  People would call into the show, give their birth dates and she'd start flipping her cards around and give the caller a reading.  She has a soothing Aussie voice and seems like a nice lady.  I don't buy into stuff like that but am always interested in what the "fortune teller" figures out from cards, crystal ball, birth date, or stars. 

One woman called into the show, gave her birth date and got her tarot reading which was in and of itself was vague in content and the caller didn't know what the reader was talking about but she did say one thing that has stuck in my mind all day long.  "You need to stop being a victim of the circumstance that has ruled your life.  No one is a victim.  We are all creators." 

Whatever it was that was "ruling" the caller's life she didn't say. And when she at first said, "No one is a victim."  I thought she was going to say something really stupid.  I was caught by surprise at the "We are all creators" comment.  It's true.  We are all creators.

I think, often, of people who have been truly victimized by other people, circumstances in their lives that are beyond their control.  Some of those people are able to move on.  Not let those circumstances control their lives.  Others dwell on the circumstances and in essence are completely controlled by them although they may really try to move on they just don't quite make it all the time.  Then there are the third kind of people who are not only controlled by the circumstances but allow those things that happened to them to continue to victimize them, wherein they continue to get into the same types of circumstances again and again.

In my previous employment I met a wide range of people.  I'm pretty good at getting people to tell me their stories and this job was a smorgasbord of stories.  One woman in particular was really interesting.

Because I took some extra interest in her I did some deeper searching and found out that she is my age.  43.  At 43 don't most people have their stuff together?  She had a long history of abuse.  Addicted heavily to meth.  Prostituted herself to get money for the meth.  She'd lost two children to foster care, was going to and finally did lose another.  She married another meth addict who eventually beat her.  She was in and out of jail for shoplifting.  And yet she was trying to get pregnant to have another baby.  She didn't want to lose her third child to foster care but couldn't keep herself together enough to keep or even have private visitations.  Just a mess.

Then there are those I have met who have been in similar situations but finally decided that they couldn't live like that any longer.  They wanted their children to live with them.  Wanted to get their stuff together by the time they are my age. 

Don't get me wrong.  I know about meth.  I know the addiction and the addictive behaviors.  There are all kinds of addictions:  porn, drugs, alcohol, nicotine, sex, etc.  I know how the brain chemistry works and how it changes to make it nearly impossible to get rid of addictions.  I'm not saying, "Hey!  Snap out of it.  You could stop taking those drugs if you just tried hard enough."

What I'm saying is this:  Don't you get tired of being a victim?  Don't you want to be a creator?

I sat around being a victim (and believe me as I've aged I've come to realize that my life is NOT THAT HARD) for the longest time.  Why did this happen to me?  Why did this person do this to me?  Why wasn't I chosen for this thing?  She gets more attention than I do.....etc., etc.  I got tired of it.  Don't you get tired of hearing that from other people?  Well, I got tired of hearing it from myself.  Who cares if that happened to me, it's not happening any more.  Who cares if that person did that to me, they're not a part of my life any more.  Who cares if I wasn't chosen for this or that, I've had plenty of opportunities in my life, it's someone else's turn.  Who cares if she is getting more attention than me, it's her wedding.  (True story)

My hell, we're all valuable to each other and this existence in way or another.  If we make a difference in only one person's life (and that person could be our own self) then so be it. 

Let's stop being victims and start being creators.