Today we were dismissed to do 90 minutes of writing and then 90 minutes of communing with each other. They gave us a list of topics to write on but I only wrote on the first. Here was mine:
First of all I’m so glad that I got to come to the room instead of staying down there. There’s only so much I can write about in the same area with others around to watch my discomfort while time drags on and on and on. However, you got to stay downstairs with the snacks that I just now remembered you aren’t really allowed to have.
Second of all I’m glad I get to use my computer for this as I really do think I was developing a good case of carpal tunnel syndrome from being forced to write so much.
What are my reasons for wanting to go on living?
Really? This is a serious question? Is this for people who have contemplated suicide? I don’t get it.
1. I want to go on living to be with you, Pootie Poo. You and I have such a good time together that I can’t imagine not having you around. So don’t die soon. At least until you’ve made millions of dollars so I have a decent retirement.
2. I want to go on living so I can see what the kids have made with their lives. I don’t care if they are stay-at-home parents, doctors, therapists, garbage collectors or anything else. I just want to see that they are happy and feel successful in whatever path they choose for themselves. Plus, we’ve spent so much money on them over the year that I want to make sure it all goes to a good cause. The orthodonture in and of itself is exorbitant.
3. I want to go on living so I can pet the dog more. She’s so fluffy and needs a serious bath.
4. I want to go on living so I can do more family history. I really enjoy it. I wish I had more time to spend on it. Well, let’s be honest here. I probably have enough time but my stories take up so much time in the evenings.
5. So I guess I want to go on living so I can learn how to use my time more wisely. There are enough hours in the day but…well, you know. Stories.
6. I want to go on living so I can travel. When the kids are grown I want to go places. I want to go on the Laura Ingalls Wilder tour. That’s not really a tour but Kristen and I have it all mapped out. I want to go on a church history tour. A long one so I can really see the sites and experience each place. I want to go to Scotland, England, and other places where my ancestors came from. I want to go to the pyramids of Mexico and Central America to see where the Lamanites and Nephites lived. And lie on the beaches and get warm and tanned. I love to be warm and tanned.
7. I want to go on living so we can serve a mission together. This can only be accomplished after you make millions or at least dozens of dollars that will add up to some amount so we can go. I think it would be fun to go out into the world and throw pamphlets at people. And yell “Happy Sabbath” to those who are not observing the Sabbath in the way God intended.
8. I want to go on living so I can be a temple worker. I don’t want to do it right now as I have too much going on as a mother and wife and WAHM. But I eventually do want to be a temple worker.
9. I want to go on living so I can see my kids grow up and get married and start families of their own. I want to see them struggle to provide for their families, discipline their kids, etc so I can say “Ha! I told you so!”
10. I want to go on living because there are so many books to read out there. I love books you know. And reading brings me such great pleasure. I don’t get to just sit around reading a book like I want to but they are always there waiting for me.
11. I want to go on living because I may possibly go back to school to get my Master’s Degree. I have thought about it for years. I don’t know what the degree would be in but I know it would have something to do with marriage and the family. It’s my greatest interest. I would want to get some kind of certificate that states that I am able to teach this stuff.
12. I want to go on living because there is so much food to eat out there. There are so many restaurants I haven’t tried and so many different types of food I haven’t experienced. Food. I love food.
13. I want to go on living because my Patriarchal blessing tells me so many things that I can have and accomplish if I live correct principles. I haven’t seen all of them yet and want to be around to see them. I love my Patriarchal Blessing.
14. I want to go on living so I can keep pushing myself to run races with my sister and friends. Not that I like the running as much but I sure enjoy the camaraderie that goes along with it.
15. I want to go on living so I can do more Zumba. I like Zumba.
16. I want to go on living so I can continue to teach people about the stigma of depression and that even the normal looking people have problems with it. And that it is normal and a part of everyday life that everyone can deal with. I love my medication and love telling people about it. When I first started taking medication and would tell people not very many people would admit to their own medication use. They would hide it like it was a crutch that was forced upon them in their otherwise perfect life.
17. I want to go on living because I want to see the house have new flooring. Carpet in the carpeted areas and hardwood in the others. I want to repaint the living room a lighter color and repaint the family room to make it look better.
18. I want to go on living so I can get the mold problem in the basement fixed. That’s kind of freaking me out.
19. I want to go on living so I can finish the landscaping in the backyard. I think it will be a lovely place to hang out and enjoy when it’s all done. And I think it will be a lovely place to have a wedding reception or two or four when the time comes.
20. I want to go on living so I can continue to make food for you because you get so delighted with what I make. Everything is the best I’ve ever made and I get so much enjoyment out of pleasing you.
21. I want to go on living so I can continue to hold hands with you when we go places. I like holding your hand. It makes me feel safe.
22. I want to go on living so we can keep coming to stupid things like this. Even though I think a lot of it is sappy and schmaltzy we got to stay in a nice hotel with a good bed and hang out with each other. That is fun.
It’s only been 45 minutes. I’ve looked at the rest of the questions and I think I’ve covered it.
And now I finish the crossword puzzle.
So as you can see, dear reader, I have softened a bit about this experience but once was enough for me. I don't mind conferences and things but this retreat was a bit much on the sap and schmaltz. I mean it. A lot of sap and schmaltz. Gets on my nerves.