Ode to Summer

You know what I love about Summer?  Watermelon.  We always have watermelon in the house in summer.  We eat it at almost every meal.  It's cold, sugary sweet, fragrant, and lovely.  I love watermelon.

You know what else I love about Summer?  Cotton sheets.  I love to get into bed at the end of a warm day and slip between my cool, cotton sheets.  My feet get so hot in the summer that I look all over the bed for the coolest spot.  Once I've warmed a spot up I will go find another spot to lay my feet.  I love cotton sheets.

You know what else I love about Summer?  Warm, balmy nights.  The kids will get a bunch of friends together in our cul-de-sac and play night games.  If I am inside I can hear their feet running and pounding on the pavement as they try to hide from one another.  The occasional scream will ring out when someone is found or just surprised.  I love that I can sit outside on my porch and watch the stars and enjoy the end of the day.  I love warm, balmy nights.

You know what else I love about Summer? Cucumbers.  I love cucumbers.  Anytime I go into a restaurant and see that there are cucumbers on a sandwich or in something I will get it.  Cucumbers shout "Summer" to me. They are somewhat melon-y but not sweet and they taste like summer.  I love them on sandwiches, salads, pickled, with onions, anyway they are prepared I will eat them.  I love cucumbers

You know what else I love about Summer?  Daylight Savings Time. I know most people hate Daylight Savings time but for me it is awesome!  I grew up in Phoenix where we didn't have Daylight Savings Time because in Phoenix who wants another hour of heat and sun?  But here where it's not as hot and it cools down at night I love it.  There is more light for me to work outside, to go running in, to play badminton in the backyard with my kids, to eat BBQ on the porch.  I love Daylight Savings Time.

You know what else I love about Summer? Less clothing.  Anyone who knows me knows how much I love clothes and shoes.  And in the summer there is just nothing better than a flowy, cotton skirt and a pair of sandals.  Or even better--flip flops!!  And shorts or capris.  Short sleeved, cotton shirts and blouses.  And the always present flip flops.  I never have a problem figuring out what to wear in the Summer.  I love less clothing.

You know what else I love about Summer?  Swimming.  I have always wanted an in ground swimming pool in my backyard.  It ain't happening.  But we have the Rec Center down the road, we have our white trash 18 foot blowup in the backyard, and we go to the lake as much as possible.  I love to feel the water surrounding my body, putting it's pressure on all sides.  I love floating on the surface, treading water in the deep parts, swimming under water and opening my eyes to see what's there. I love how exhausted I feel after a day in the water.  Tired but refreshed.  And then I sleep so well that night.  I love swimming.

To go along with swimming:  You know what else I love about Summer?  Being tan. I love getting tan.  I have no problems at all with it.  I have darker skin that accepts the sun like an old friend.  I wear 50-70 SPF and yet I'm still tan.  I feel healthy and more alive in the summer because of my tan.  When I look down at my feet and they are tan then I know my summer is complete.  I love being tan.

You know what else I love about Summer?  Gardening.  I have a very large garden and a very large yard.  I love going out there and putting my hands into the warm soil, planting tiny seeds and covering them with the requisite amount of dirt to coax little plants into living.  I love to go out every day and look at my flowers, vegetables, fruit trees and vines to see what they are doing.  I love to count how many pumpkins I have growing for the coming fall.  Each portion of the spring and summer different flowers bloom in their beds and I look forward to certain ones each year.  I even love mowing the lawn because I get to be outside that much more.  I love gardening.

You know what else I love about Summer?  Fresh corn on the cob from my garden.  I grow a super sweet variety that pops in your mouth when you bite into it.  I don't boil it, only steam it really and only for about 5 minutes.  Just enough to make it hot.  The first bite of home grown summer corn is almost orgasmic.  Every year I will take my first bite and exclaim, "OH. My. Gosh!"  It's so sweet, and so fresh, and so crisp that you never want to buy the stuff from the roadside stands.  I love fresh corn on the cob from my garden.

You know what else I love about Summer?  Crickets, no school, sleeping in, going on family trips, hiking, camping, jet skiing,  talking with neighbors outside, sharing the bounty of my garden, STORMS!!, BBQ's, and so much more but finally the end of summer.  September.

Things I hate about Summer?  My swamp cooler and August.  Combined they are hell on earth.

Summer.

The blahs

I'm sitting on my unmade bed which is unusual--I always make my bed.  My house is a mess--of course, mess to me doesn't mean mess to everyone else.  I have dog hair fluffs scattered all over the house because it's that time of year again for the dog to shed her fluffs.  And so much more.

I can't get myself to do anything about this stuff.  My kids have been back in school since last Tuesday and I have half-assed everything since then.  I told myself to wait on a few things until my kids got back into school then do a tornado type of clean.  But I don't.  I've been out to lunch every day.  But haven't made dinner except last night I made pancakes.  Everyone is subsisting on cold cereal, ramen, and mac & cheese (gag). 

For three weeks in July I hardly had any kids at home because they were all traveling or at various camps.  I think I weeded my garden.  I couldn't tell you what else I did.

The reason for this malaise?  I think I'm mourning.  You know.  Because my mother died. 

That irritating woman that drove me crazy with her antics?  I miss her. 

I haven't cried since the day of the funeral.  That's not me. I'm not much of a crier.  My thought up till now is that if I'm not sitting around bawling then I must be okay.  Because isn't that what mourning is?  Sitting around bawling?  But I know that's not right.  I KNOW that.  I've TAUGHT that.

Mourning for me has been not being able to focus or complete tasks.  Not wanting to socialize much.  Not answering my phone.  Staying off of social media (like this blog).  I don't want to wash the stinky dog nor do I really care if she gets washed.  My garden is not looking good.  I'm not going to can anything this year.  I don't want to decorate.  I could care less if anybody eats.  I can't get myself to go on a run.  When will I feel better?

I know I WILL feel better.  The average person takes up to a year to mourn the loss of a loved one.  That's the average person.  I hope I'm not average and this works itself through me sooner.

My mother died

My mother died on June 15, 2012 at 9:30am right before my sister and I started our first legs at the Ragnar.  That's very important.  We told her in May that that particular weekend wasn't good for us to have her die but APPARENTLY our wishes don't count.  Just kidding.  We still got our medals and our stickers and our shirts for participating.

My dad called my phone because he couldn't get a hold of my sister.  He was crying and said, "I think your mom just died."  What did he mean by he "thinks" she just died.  Either one is dead or they aren't.  But she was.  My sister started crying immediately but I went into "planning and being the boss" mode.  About an hour later when I talked to my second daughter to tell her about grandma she started crying and that's what put me over the edge.

 I had about an hour to get myself together for my leg of the race.  Which was hard and crappy.  7.8 miles up Avon pass.  A dusty, dirt road up over a mountain.  The last two miles of the leg nobody passed me.  Even the hard core runners were walking it.  Kristen (my sister) ran down the other side of the pass into Eden then my brother-in-law picked us up and took us home.  I bawled for a good portion of that drive.  I tried to do it quietly so I wouldn't upset my BIL and my sister but they could hear me.

As soon as I talked to my dad I called my husband and told him to cancel all of his appointments and get up to his house.  He's so awesome.  He did exactly that and stayed all day.

We finally got to my dad's house at about 5:00pm and stayed until about 8:00. 

The next day we went to the funeral home and picked out a lovely poplar casket, a dress, temple clothing, flowers, etc.  My sister went up to one of the caskets and kicked the wheel of one of the carts and said, "I'll take it!"  Because that's how we roll. 

The following Tuesday we met our hair girl down there and she did my mother's hair.  She looked dead.  We joked around and poked at her and got her hair done.  On Thursday morning we went and dressed her.  Non-Mormons will think this is weird.  Well, maybe even Mormons will think it's weird but she needed to be dressed in her LDS Temple clothing and only Mormons know how to do that.  She looked lovely.  That night was her viewing so we told them to draw some eyebrows on her as she has none.  My sister plucked them all out years ago.  Completely on accident.  Completely.

My dad hadn't seen her since the morticians had come to get her on the day she had died so when he came into the funeral home that evening and saw her he started to cry.  She was so pretty to him.  He said that he would court her all over again.  My poor dad.

The following is an excerpt from an email I sent a friend about the day of the funeral:

It was an exhausting, long day.  We were so happy to see those who came but when it came time to put on her veil and close the casket all three of us lost it. And we forgot to take a picture of her in the casket.  The funeral itself was great.  My cousin Kelli gave the life sketch, the grandkids sang a song and Emily accompanied.  Kristen and I spoke together and told several funny stories about my mother and her crazy antics over the years.  The chapel was filled with laughter.  Then we both blubbered through our last thoughts and testimonies.  We barely got it together enough to sing Amazing Grace (the MoTab version) and I only broke at the last two lines when I happened to look at my dad.  So I quickly stopped looking.  The bishop told a story about how she Jazzied up to him once and told him he was a good bishop and said that she probably said that to all her bishops to which in reply in unison we all three said, "Nooo!"  We'd forgotten to tell a story about Cliff Henkel and his 7 year reign of terror.  I'll tell you about it sometime.  The pallbearers hauled her out to the car and then I said to my cousin, "Let's eat!"  They think I'm terrible.  And then Kristen comes up to me and says the exact same thing.

We drove up to the cemetery in Wellsville and had another cousin dedicate the grave and my dad bore his testimony.  Then he sat down and I leaned over and said, "Now what?"  Then Kristen leaned over and said, "Now what?"  Then my dad let everyone know it was over.

We cried a good deal of the day.  I was exhausted when I got home and went straight to bed.

Saturday was really solemn and quiet.  Jon was having a party for my birthday and my dad came but left early because he "wanted to be alone with his thoughts."  My sister walked him out and he was crying.  I guess he cried all the way home then when he got into the house he lay on my mother's side of the bed and bawled for a long time he said.  Sunday was better although I saw a friend of mine from the other ward who works for the hospice that took care of my mother and I talked to him about the nurse coming and I started bawling.  It comes and goes like that.

Today is fabulous.  I feel good.  Kristen and I went up to my dad's and started going through my mom's stuff.  We went through the jewelry today and I gathered a bunch of genealogy my mom had in a drawer since I'm the one interested in that stuff.  Then we went out for Mexican food.  My dad paid.  We made him.  He's doing good today.

I need to write everything down that happened before I forget.  But I don't know if I have the energy to do it.  This is a good start, though.  I don't feel like she's hovering around anymore.  I felt like she was hovering around until we dedicated the grave.  I didn't realize I felt that way until later."

There is more to it but I'm not in the mood.  It has been a moody couple of weeks.  A few days before she died I was able to spend several hours with her,  Kristen did it again the next day.  On both days she was really lucid.  The day before she died we took turns going up and sitting with her.  Her oxygen levels were really low and the next day she died.  Really fast, too.  It was kind of amazing.

Prison

Today I attended a parole hearing for a man who molested a child in the neighborhood.  I sat with the victim's family and witnessed the utter suffering and uncontrollable crying of the mother as the specifics of the case were read aloud.  And when I say specifics I mean everything was laid out in the open.  There was no second guessing what this man had done to this child. 

The man was asked questions and then left the room while the mother spoke openly and candidly about the sadness her child has to live through.  How the child doesn't think much of themself, the child's usually high grades had plummeted, how the child cries frequently, and has had continual therapy since the time it came out in the open.  Also, the child continues to relive the abuse suffered.  That will never go away.  The child will always remember it, unfortunately.

The man came back into the room and the mediator asked him questions. I won't go into the questions the man was asked as suffice it to say everything the man answered was either half truths or all out lies.  Because you see that is the way pedophiles are.  They lie.  THEY LIE!!  They are almost narcissistic in their behavior.  "If I don't get caught, I didn't do it.  And no matter what I did I will not apologize."  I will say thing like, "I'm glad I got caught, or I feel the victim's family's pain, or I understand what I did was wrong, etc."  But at no time will they actually say, "I am sorry." Period. Because they will put the blame on the child, the child's family, the way they themselves were molested as a child, pornography, their home life, etc.  And they are slimy!!  They will get their family, friends, church and community members to believe that "it only happened once, maybe twice, and never with another child."  And the family, friends, church and community members will believe them.  Because they have been groomed right along with the child he violated.

As a side note, for every child you find out about there are at least 100 children in one stage or another that are being groomed.  Some are in the beginning stages and others are too old for the pedophile.  It's a proven fact.  

Behind the group of us who were with the victim's family were the group who were with the man in prison.  They were not allowed to speak.  I knew all but one person in that group.  I hope that whatever lies the man's mother and family tell about their son/friend and about the victim's family were now laid out for all to see.  I hope that their will be no more confusion as to what this man did.  I'm glad they weren't allowed to speak their lies to the mediator.  They don't deserve a voice.

My friend has felt compassionate towards the family.  She's a better person than I. 

However, I do believe in the Atonement of Jesus Christ.  I have personally put my faith and trust on the shoulder of the Savior to help me through hard times and to help me forgive those who have wronged me.  Granted nothing like this has ever happened to me or my family but I know for a fact that the Atonement of Jesus Christ his given me peace as I've laid my burdens at His feet.

I hope for that sakes of both family, the victim and the pedophile especially, that they can learn how to apply the soothing balm the Atonement provides.  The memories never go away.  They are there to help you remember how to treat others, I believe.  But the pain can disappear.  Like nothing ever happened.

In the meantime, he's in jail for a long time.  Amen.

Sometimes I surprise even myself

You want to see an embarrassing picture of me?

Who toldest thee that this wast sexy? (May '88)

I have no words.  Or boobs.

The Meaning of WampumQueen

My husband named me the WampumQueen when we were freshman at BYU.  I was pretty cool back then.  I had really, really, really short platinum blonde hair.  I wore what I wanted, mostly black.  I had this pair of slip shorts.  They were black and silky like a slip with a bit of lace around the bottoms like a slip but they were shorts.  They were meant to be worn under a dress but I wore them as shorts. Because I could.  I thought I was something else. I, also, wore a white slip as a skirt.  A regular old slip but it was short.  I had clothes that I wore that were not underclothing, too.  Don't worry.

My sister and I in front of Heleman Halls. I was very tan.

At my grandma's condo in Bountiful

Somewhere at BYU.

Me with Jonathan on the right and Steve Hartline on the left.  Who cares about the other two.  I'm wearing the white slip here.

But the best thing I had were these boots.  The Wampum Boots.  The hubs gave them their name.  I loved them.  I still have them.  They were comfortable and I thought they went with everything. They were light brown, suede, ankle boots with colorful bits of leather pieces woven in.  They had very pointy toes and velcroed on. 

In front of Whitney Hall in Heritage Halls.  I'm wearing the WampumBoots here but you can't see them.

The Wampum Boots.  A little worse for wear over the 25 years I've owned them but still really cool.

Because I had the WampumBoots then I must be the Queen of Wampum.  So I was christened.  And that is why I'm called the WampumQueen.

Baby Adam

In the last two weeks we've been very busy celebrating the manhoodedness of my oldest child, Adam. 

He turned 18 in April but the culmination of his childhood began with his receiving the Melchizedek Priesthood from his father on Sunday, May 20.  Jon's step dad, George, and step mom, Char, came into town to witness this event.  He also graduated from seminary that evening although we didn't attend the ceremony as we were busy with family. And ate lots of good food.

On Wednesday, May 30, he graduated from high school.  Barely.  In April we found out he was .25 credit short so he sent to East Shore High School, an alternative high school, and did 2 packets to make up that credit.  He stayed up until 4am on Monday the 28th to finish some assignments due in math.  He squeaked by with a D.  So proud.  Jon's dad, Clay, and step mom, Stephanie, came into town for the graduation.  Also there were my dad Warner, sister Kristen, brother-in-law Erich, and one of their boys Ezra.  Rod Morgan an old friend of ours attended along with Adam's good friend Josh Nilsson and his girlfriend. And we ate lots of good food.

Tonight he received his Eagle Scout at his Court of Honor.  This was done in conjunction with Josh Nilsson as he received his Eagle Scout also and they wanted to do this together.  It lasted about 45 minutes and was fun to watch the boy getting his Eagle Award.  Even I got a little pin that said, "Eagle Scout Mom."

I've never been shy about saying that  I want the kids to grow up and move out as soon as possible but now that the first one is grown up......it went too fast.  He will be gone quite a bit this summer then next spring he will go on a mission.  Then he'll get married and have kids of his own......

As Adam has done all the firsts in the family I realize the lasts are also ticking off just as fast.  Matthew just finished Cub Scouts and received his Arrow of Light.  No more Pack Meetings for us.  He has one more year in the elementary school.  We will have  been in the school for 14 years.  What happened? 

Anyway.  This is getting morose. 

Good luck out there in the world, Man Cub.  Hopefully we've taught you everything you need to know to start you out in life.  There's still a lot of learning ahead of you.

Pasta Salad

I've come up with a pretty good pasta salad.  I just added stuff until it tasted good to me and I love it.  Here it is:

16 ounces corkscrew pasta
1/2 cucumber diced
1/2 sweet red pepper diced
1/4 cup(pish) red onion diced
3/4 to 1 cup of mayonaise
a splash of rice vinegar (maybe 3-4 Tablespoons)
3-4 shakes of Tabasco
Feta

Cook and drain the pasta and run it under cold water to stop the cooking process.  Add  all the ingredients and stir it up.  I like to make it not too long before we eat so I don't have to refrigerate it because it is creamier.  But the next day after it has sat in the fridge and the flavors have melded it is really good.


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Marriage Retreat Day 2-3

I didn't blog about yesterday's day as it was long.  I kid you not it was 14 hours long.  We did get an hour break in the middle of the day for whatever--we took naps, and we ate at Magelby's twice which was good.  By about 10am I couldn't keep my eyes open so when the women were dismissed to go to their rooms to write (there was an awful lot of writing) I wrote for a minute then lay down to rest.  When Jon came up he decided to let me sleep until he came up again.  He apparently told the entire group I was having stomach issues.  Great.  So I got two naps yesterday.  I felt a lot better though and was able to gt a run in on a treadmill by the end of the day.

Today we were dismissed to do 90 minutes of writing and then 90 minutes of communing with each other.  They gave us a list of topics to write on but I only wrote on the first.  Here was mine:

First of all I’m so glad that I got to come to the room instead of staying down there.  There’s only so much I can write about in the same area with others around to watch my discomfort while time drags on and on and on.  However, you got to stay downstairs with the snacks that I just now remembered you aren’t really allowed to have.

Second of all I’m glad I get to use my computer for this as I really do think I was developing a good case of carpal tunnel syndrome from being forced to write so much. 

What are my reasons for wanting to go on living?

Really?  This is a serious question?  Is this for people who have contemplated suicide?  I don’t get it. 

1.     I want to go on living to be with you, Pootie Poo.  You and I have such a good time together that I can’t imagine not having you around.  So don’t die soon.  At least until you’ve made millions of dollars so I have a decent retirement.

2.     I want to go on living so I can see what the kids have made with their lives.  I don’t care if they are stay-at-home parents, doctors, therapists, garbage collectors or anything else.  I just want to see that they are happy and feel successful in whatever path they choose for themselves.  Plus, we’ve spent so much money on them over the year that I want to make sure it all goes to a good cause.  The orthodonture in and of itself is exorbitant. 

3.     I want to go on living so I can pet the dog more.  She’s so fluffy and needs a serious bath.

4.     I want to go on living so I can do more family history.  I really enjoy it.  I wish I had more time to spend on it.  Well, let’s be honest here.  I probably have enough time but my stories take up so much time in the evenings. 

5.     So I guess I want to go on living so I can learn how to use my time more wisely.  There are enough hours in the day but…well, you know.  Stories.

6.     I want to go on living so I can travel.  When the kids are grown I want to go places.  I want to go on the Laura Ingalls Wilder tour.  That’s not really a tour but Kristen and I have it all mapped out.  I want to go on a church history tour.  A long one so I can really see the sites and experience each place.  I want to go to Scotland, England, and other places where my ancestors came from.  I want to go to the pyramids of Mexico and Central America to see where the Lamanites and Nephites lived.  And lie on the beaches and get warm and tanned.  I love to be warm and tanned.

7.     I want to go on living so we can serve a mission together.  This can only be accomplished after you make millions or at least dozens of dollars that will add up to some amount so we can go.  I think it would be fun to go out into the world and throw pamphlets at people.  And yell “Happy Sabbath” to those who are not observing the Sabbath in the way God intended.

8.     I want to go on living so I can be a temple worker.  I don’t want to do it right now as I have too much going on as a mother and wife and WAHM.  But I eventually do want to be a temple worker.

9.     I want to go on living so I can see my kids grow up and get married and start families of their own.  I want to see them struggle to provide for their families, discipline their kids, etc so I can say “Ha!  I told you so!” 

10. I want to go on living because there are so many books to read out there.  I love books you know.  And reading brings me such great pleasure.  I don’t get to just sit around reading a book like I want to but they are always there waiting for me.

11. I want to go on living because I may possibly go back to school to get my Master’s Degree.  I have thought about it for years.  I don’t know what the degree would be in but I know it would have something to do with marriage and the family.  It’s my greatest interest.  I would want to get some kind of certificate that states that I am able to teach this stuff. 

12. I want to go on living because there is so much food to eat out there.  There are so many restaurants I haven’t tried and so many different types of food I haven’t experienced.  Food.  I love food.

13. I want to go on living because my Patriarchal blessing tells me so many things that I can have and accomplish if I live correct principles.  I haven’t seen all of them yet and want to be around to see them.  I love my Patriarchal Blessing.

14. I want to go on living so I can keep pushing myself to run races with my sister and friends.  Not that I like the running as much but I sure enjoy the camaraderie that goes along with it.

15. I want to go on living so I can do more Zumba.  I like Zumba.

16. I want to go on living so I can continue to teach people about the stigma of depression and that even the normal looking people have problems with it.  And that it is normal and a part of everyday life that everyone can deal with.  I love my medication and love telling people about it.  When I first started taking medication and would tell people not very many people would admit to their own medication use.  They would hide it like it was a crutch that was forced upon them in their otherwise perfect life.

17. I want to go on living because I want to see the house have new flooring.  Carpet in the carpeted areas and hardwood in the others.  I want to repaint the living room a lighter color and repaint the family room to make it look better.

18. I want to go on living so I can get the mold problem in the basement fixed.  That’s kind of freaking me out.

19. I want to go on living so I can finish the landscaping in the backyard.  I think it will be a lovely place to hang out and enjoy when it’s all done.  And I think it will be a lovely place to have a wedding reception or two or four when the time comes.

20. I want to go on living so I can continue to make food for you because you get so delighted with what I make.  Everything is the best I’ve ever made and I get so much enjoyment out of pleasing you.

21. I want to go on living so I can continue to hold hands with you when we go places.  I like holding your hand.  It makes me feel safe.

22. I want to go on living so we can keep coming to stupid things like this.  Even though I think a lot of it is sappy and schmaltzy we got to stay in a nice hotel with a good bed and hang out with each other.  That is fun.

It’s only been 45 minutes.  I’ve looked at the rest of the questions and I think I’ve covered it.

And now I finish the crossword puzzle.

So as you can see, dear reader, I have softened a bit about this experience but once was enough for me.  I don't mind conferences and things but this retreat was a bit much on the sap and schmaltz.  I mean it.  A lot of sap and schmaltz.  Gets on my nerves.

Marriage Retreat

The hubs had someone approach him a few weeks ago about coming to a well-known marriage retreat to possibly, maybe get into doing it with this company.  He said, "I was invited to come to this marriage retreat by ........... to check it out.  We're going.  It's in Provo and we're staying at the Marriott."  How could I resist that?  Especially because I THOUGHT we were staying in the downtown fancy shmancy Marriott but we're in a Spring Hill Marriott.  Which really isn't too bad.  The toilet has it's own little room separate from the shower.

As soon as I walked into the conference room where this is being held I knew what I was in for.  Schmaltz.  Pure unadulterated schmaltz.  As the husband so eloquently put it a little while ago, I am the man in this relationship.  I don't appreciate schmaltz.  In fact I can't stand it. 

So these couples get up and read from a script that they write themselves then pose questions to us that we then need to write down on a tablet of paper, then answer the questions away from each other for 10 minutes.  Sometimes I go up to our room to write and sometimes he does.  I can't even watch TV without doing two other things at once and I have to sit for 10 minutes and write about crap?  Geez Louise.

First Question: (In our room)

Why did I come to this weekend? And, What do I hope to gain? 

I answered:  I don't know and a tan.  (Then I added, just for fun mind you) I came to this weekend because my Pootie (That's what I call him.  Don't make fun) wanted me to and I love him so I obeyed.  And, I hope to gain some patience and understanding for the ensuing schmaltz.

(Of course he writes these long, eloquent, glorious, beautiful things about our relationship and how much he loves me.  Which I skim over.)

Second Question:

What do I enjoy about our marriage now? And, In what ways would I like to help our marriage grow?

I answered:  I enjoy that now we both work from home that we have even more time to spend together and this has increased our "special times" that the children don't want to talk about. And, I would like to help our marriage grow by coming to these things once a week.  Not really. :) I would like to have more sex with you but not in the car.

(That was supposed to take 10 minutes. I had to stay in the conference room for this so.....)

And now I'm just writing crap on the rest of this paper so I don't look like a stick in the mud.  I hope you like the naughty knickers I brought with me.  They are far cuter than the pioneer panties.  And I'm glad the people in Room 420 aren't on the other side of us so we can make as much noise as we want.

Do you miss the dog?  I do.  She is so fluffy and needs a serious bath.  I don't think she likes her food.

If you decide to do this thing I'm not making any quilted signs nor will there be any lacy tablecloths.  Sorry but it ain't happening.  (This is the schmaltz I mentioned.)

I like you.  You are special to me.  And I'm glad you are putting up with my silliness and ramblings.  You're probably writing very nice things to me or sitting on the pot.  Or both.  You never know.  Isn't this 10 minutes over yet?!  I'm gonna get carpal tunnel syndrome.

Third Question:

What qualities of yours attracted me to you? And, What do I love and appreciate about you now?

You were very nice.  You were very attentive.  You had a hairy chest.  I wanted to touch your wanker.

You're Jonathan Sherman, Friend to the World!  You laugh at my jokes.  You stuck it out.  You have a hairy chest.  I like to touch your wanker. :)


End Day 1.

BTW this whole thing starts again at 7:30 in the freaking butt crack of dawn A.M. !  Who actually pays for this crap?!

My family

My husband and I got married in 1992.  We had known each other for almost 5 years when we made the big commitment.  We thought we knew so much because we had both served missions for the LDS church, been going to school, and my stars he turned 23 the next month and I turned 24 in June (which really means I was 23 and he was 22).

February 14, 1992

All those people in that picture above are twenty years older.  My sister got married, too, in 1996. She was definitely the more mature of the two of us. We each have 4 children.  Let's compare.

Uh-huh, uh-huh, all older. 2012

Watch my family grow.

Look at my mom's awesome wig! 1970

My mom made most of our clothes. 1977

My sister couldn't fake a decent smile. 1983

Now we're all looking better.  1989

Bad denim idea. 1993

After the parents' first mission.  2000

The secret is:  I really like my family.  They are amazing, fun people.  Even my brother-in-law.   ;)

Men

This is a little tidbit from some man.  Too bad it's true.

Nine Words Used by Women

(1) Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh : This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay : This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint.  Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says “Thanks a lot” - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say “you're welcome.” That will bring on a “whatever”).

(8) Whatever : Is a woman's way of saying...drop dead.

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it : Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking “What's wrong?” For the woman's response refer to # 3.

Family Pictures 2012

Since my mom is going to eventually die my sister and I decided it would be a good time to get some pictures of the family done.  She has a friend who took them and we all think they turned out cute.

Whole Family

Whole Family

Whole Family being Funny

The Little Boys (mine is in the middle)

The "Little" Girls (mine is on the left)

Just us Shermans

The Parents

Spring

Those who know me well will say I love Fall the best.  Because I do.  But Spring is a close second.  That is until Summer comes along then Summer is the close second.  This is the time of year when the weather starts to warm up to the 60's.  I know!! The 60's  It will be in the 60's for the next few days then it will be cold and rainy for 5 days then it will warm up again!!

I open the window, hang wash out on the line, start working in my yard, plan my garden, run with less clothing on, spend as much time as possible outside, put away my light box, decrease my medication....the possibilities are endless.  Endless I tell you!

My bulbs are starting to come up.  My favorites are the crocuses.  I also love the tulips, daffodils, grape hyacinth, allium, and this little white star flowery thing that I didn't plant but came with the house and is ever so lovely.

This is what I did on Saturday:

The Winter cleanup.  It doesn't look like much now but just wait a few weeks.

Maturation ( and a little rant )

My last child went to his Maturation class at school yesterday.  I made my husband go this time as I have attended all three of the others.

When we were new to the sex talk thing we didn't know what we were doing.  Well, like we do now. *eyeroll*  When our oldest, a boy, was 10 and just about to go to his maturation class in 5th grade, I told my husband that he needed to take the boy into his bedroom and explain the birds and the bees to him.  I didn't give any other direction because he, being a marriage and family therapist, would surely know what to say.  Right?

Flash forward to a few years later when he was in 9th grade and we were all riding along in the minivan.  I was talking to my oldest daughter about periods and other things thinking the boy knew what I was talking about.  He finally says, "What are you talking about?!"  I said, "The birds and the bees. You know what dad talked to you about."  He then said something that I never thought I would hear, "Dad didn't tell me about that.  He told me about sex.  You know.  How to do it."  I asked if he'd been told about hair growing, things getting bigger, other things drooping, voices changing, nocturnal emissions...nope, nope, nope. That night I told the hubs that he was not talking to the little boy when it came time.

It came time.  I told him that he needed to take the boy aside and WITH the older brother to give the little boy a talk about the birds and the bees.  He kept putting it off so the other day we were sitting in the family room and I said to the older boy, "Would you tell your brother some of the things he's going to notice about his body in the next few years."  He talked about hair growing, things getting bigger, other things drooping, voices changing and nocturnal emissions.  heeheehee

Yesterday they went to Maturation.  The hubs went with him.  The boy came home all excited about manly things.  Each little boy is given a mini Old Spice deodorant to use.  He carried that thing around with him all the rest of the day and into the night.  His daddy told me that when they went out for ice cream later he kept rubbing it on his body to make sure he wouldn't stink.  Last night he asked me, "Mom, do girls use deodorant?"  I assured him that they do.

Of course, the Utah Legislature is trying to pass a bill into law stating that schools don't have to teach sex ed and if they do they can only state abstinence as the only way to not get pregnant.  Once again.  The Radical Mormon Right of the State of Utah is pushing their ideology onto the peasantry.  You know, it just pisses me off.  We are an open family about our bodies and how they function and the changes inherent.  We talk about sex, what is appropriate behavior for their ages and what we expect.  Not all children are as lucky.  I can't tell you how many parents leave it up to the schools and their kids' church leaders to tell them about sex.  The only answer I ever got about sex from my church leaders was wait until I get married.  Which I did but that was because I had parent(s) (my mom) who was open about sex and was willing and available to answer questions.

So so so so many kids are getting pregnant because they don't know what is appropriate  behavior at their particular ages because they don't have parents that care to take the time to teach them.  I say, Let the schools teach it.  Or better yet, our overly righteous legislature who probably all sat around blushing during the discussion of this bill.  Cowards.

Religion

I have a friend that was a member of my Church and unless she's had her name removed from the records is still a member of my Church.  She has decided that for her God does not exist.  Which is unfathomable to me.  Her view is that the mighty miracles wrought in her life were coincidental at best.  And on and on.  And that is her right.  It truly is.

I posted the following on Facebook in November:

Kara Poppleton Sherman

You know what brings out the mama bear in me? When you decide my husband couldn't be a good therapist because he is a TBM--True Believing Mormon. Biggest bunch of bullshit and nonsense I've ever heard. People who leave the Church think they are soooo open and yet they are just as judgmental as everyone else. "Let's judge those who are true believing Mormons to be close minded and yet remain as close minded as I feel they are."

The End.

Don't get mad at me honey.

· · · November 23, 2011 at 4:13pm near American Fork

• •  I know what you speak of Kara!
    

    November 23, 2011 at 4:21pm ·
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     amen!
    

    November 23, 2011 at 4:26pm ·
  •  They actually said he couldn't be a good therapist because he's Mormon? BS.
    

    November 23, 2011 at 4:39pm · · 2
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    Kara Poppleton Sherman Yep. He's on a former Mormon website as a therapist to not go to.
    

    November 23, 2011 at 4:40pm ·
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     That really pisses me off.
    

    November 23, 2011 at 4:44pm ·
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    Kara Poppleton Sherman He is the most non-denominational therapist. He even keeps his office free of Mormon "art". And he has Buddhas and all sorts of other Taoist type things in there.
    

    November 23, 2011 at 4:46pm · · 3
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    Kara Poppleton Sherman Whatever. People are going to keep acting like they always do no matter how they believe. Character isn't something you necessarily learn at church.
    

    November 23, 2011 at 4:47pm · · 3
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     Meh... don't worry. What's the saying, "By their fruits..."
    
    He's cool!
    

    November 23, 2011 at 5:02pm · · 1
  •  There are lame judgmental people inside and outside the church. Honestly, if you like a therapist, see him/her. If you don't, find someone else. Religion shouldn't play into it. (Unless you see someone like the LDSFS therapist I saw when I was 17 - it was like trying to get therapy from a bishop!)
    

    November 23, 2011 at 5:04pm · · 4
  •  True fact is that some LDS therapists can't see outside of their deep belief system. I know MFTs who won't see gay couples because they don't feel they should be married.
    

    
    Stupid stuff right there!! ^^^^
    

    November 23, 2011 at 5:06pm · · 1
  •  BUT, I think Mr. Hubby is awesome!
    

    November 23, 2011 at 5:06pm · · 1
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     Hypocrisy is just a sophisticated word for "dumbass". People will look for reasons to be jackholes for no other reason then to be opendminded... Which is another sophisticated word for "bull shit".
    

    November 23, 2011 at 5:07pm · · 3
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     I think I agree with you, Cristina, but I"m not sure. I think open-minded is good, and wouldn't consider it bull shit.
    

    November 23, 2011 at 5:08pm · · 1
  •  I should have clarified by saying fake or convenient openmindedness.
    

    November 23, 2011 at 5:14pm · · 2
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    It's okay let's be honest, if they (me) were not in a place to accept God into our daily lives, they aren't in a place to accept any help into their daily lives, and if those atheists are in a place to receive help they will not be on that website....
    

    November 23, 2011 at 5:22pm ·
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     I by "those atheists" I simply mean those people who choose not to believe in any God...not the people on the website
    

    November 23, 2011 at 5:23pm ·
  • t Kara I love how you speak your mind.
    

    November 23, 2011 at 5:24pm ·
  •  Uh NO, Teri. Not accepting "god" into your daily life does NOT in any way mean that you are not in a place to accept any help in your life.
    

    
    THAT is the closed-mindedness of which we speak.
    

    November 23, 2011 at 5:25pm · · 1
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     I didn't mean it like that, it just from personal experience only means, that if they are shutting off one religion and shutting the door on all the help that "those" members can bring...they are truly not in a place to accept help, and unfortunately those people who are ready to accept help and search that website are going to be discouraged
    

    November 23, 2011 at 5:30pm ·
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     Not so. Religion is NOT for everyone. Accepting help from "members" ain't no special magical thayng.
    
    THIS is exactly why that site exists. People can't see through religion to recognize that answers are not found THERE, they are found within ourselves.
    

    November 23, 2011 at 5:32pm ·
  •  As I reread it, I can see how you took it that way, I am not articulate enough to get across what I mean, no judging...I just think that to post on a website with the a purpose as to "slander" LDS help just shows that maybe (and I should have used that term in the original post) they are shut down on all help.
    

    November 23, 2011 at 5:33pm · · 1
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     I have a comment ... Jon is awesome, you are awesome. One of the things I like most about you two is that there is no judgement ... you are honest .... which some may feel is judgement ... only because they are in judgement of their own self. There Are many bitter former Mormons ... It is one of the things I done feel is unfortunate in the exmormon community ...
    

    November 23, 2011 at 5:33pm · · 2
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     And that is what I meant by my atheist comment, that if people who do not believe in any God want help I don't see them perusing that website to find a good therapist...
    

    November 23, 2011 at 5:34pm ·
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     Scratch ... done ... that was my inner redneck comin' out.
    

    November 23, 2011 at 5:35pm ·
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    Kara Poppleton Sherman Okay, everybody. This wasn't what I was looking for. I have several friends who have left the Church or become atheist in the last several years which is their decision. Say what you want about me but leave my husband alone. Mama Bear. Growl. Growly Growl Growl. Rrrrrr.... He's the best Marriage and Family Therapist out there. Really. rrr...
    

    November 23, 2011 at 5:42pm · · 5
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    e That is such a good point and so true! I've seen that in many instances!
    

    November 23, 2011 at 6:10pm ·
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    Are you a polar bear? Cause Monkey loves polar bears
    

    November 23, 2011 at 6:24pm · · 2
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     I love when the mama bear comes out of hibernation... Grr Grr
    

    November 23, 2011 at 6:38pm · · 2
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     Kara said "bullshit"
    

    November 23, 2011 at 7:32pm · · 4
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     Those who leave the Church can't leave it alone. Seems they must somehow prove or justify to themselves their decision by projecting their feelings onto others.
    

    November 23, 2011 at 8:35pm ·
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     I know! They can leave the church, but why do they have to become anti- Mormons , judging and criticing and preaching to us?
    

    November 23, 2011 at 8:52pm ·
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     You GO Girl!
    

    November 23, 2011 at 8:53pm ·
  •  Shouldn't this be a non issue? Should the patient know anything of their doctors religion or beliefs? Just saying! I'm mean if you know these things and you do choose this person. Don't you kinda know what you are getting. Buyers remorse sucks. But don't wine about it.
    

    November 24, 2011 at 6:17pm ·
• Anywho
  
  
  A week or two ago this friend posted something on Facebook about how she found it incredible that she could believe in a god for so long that would be so uncaring towards his son and let him die a horrible death.  I should have resisted the urge to comment.  I really should have.  But I posted that incredibly I did believe that very thing.  Man the claws came out.  I was just flabbergasted. That is one thing I would never do.  
  Look people.  When you put stuff out there on the interwebs to be read then people will respond.  And that is all I did was respond.  I didn't argue, I didn't call names, I didn't tell her she was going to a hell she didn't believe in.  But she did that to me along with all of her friends.  It was amazing.  
  I have ruminated over this for over a week.  Considered blocking her posts from my view. I don't want to reconvert anyone.  I want to share opinions without being treated like shit.  That is really all anyone is looking for here, isn't it?  A little R-E-S-P-E-C-T?
  
  
  And that is all I have to say about that.